change

For some reason i feel like i am changing. Its kind of a growing up process... Even though i would like to think i am so grown up and have a lot of the answers. Yeah i don't. I am in the process of finding myself, figuring out some things, experimenting. Last year to this year has deffinately been a big step in this process. There were a lot of things that set in motion this process. Last year I broke up with a long time boyfriend, started to date around, made some good friends... so on.
But i feel as though this summer i ended up particularly lost. (Saying it like that makes it sound more dramatic than i really feel it was but regardless) A lot of things kind of started slipping away from me... Like self control. I feel like i kind of needed to go through this stage to move on. I had my share of drunken nites and random hook-ups. Nothing too serious or out of control, but enough to create an effect. Some of this was set in motion after stuff with bryan ended. I felt used and alone and wondered why i had let it get that far. I let go of my heart and didn't want it to come back for a while. Just wanted to be broken and heartless. So i used my "power" to make me feel better about being used and started to "use" other people. Really didnt do me any good. DOn't get me wrong, i had a lot of fun this summer. Somehow through this i did reclaim what was mine... But i was glad for it to come to an end. So i could stop this downword spiral.
Now I'm always a girl to have a boyfriend or an interest or something. And right now i don't have any interest in anyone. But its cool. Like i actually feel ok about it. I think it is a great time for me to just work on myself... There also are some things that i would like to do in the near future and i feel that if i had a boo that i might hold back some. But now i've got nothing tying me down really. For some reason i feel like i am at a good point in my life. I feel like God is working...

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."